Living intentionally.

As much as I want to, I can’t make life perfect. I can’t.

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Every time there’s tension in a room between people? My first impulse is to make (dumb) jokes until both parties can’t help but laugh and make up and forget all about the reasons that they were angry in the first place. I know, I know… my INFJ is showing.

Every time a friends heart is broken? I’d love to give whoever shattered it a piece of my mind as well as my fist. But then that person would be upset and even though I would still be angry at them, I would want to fix that upset person, too.

Every time I hear about someone I love struggling with anxiety, depression or an eating disorder? I would love to give you a big hug, a reassuring word and a listening ear and hope that it all magically disappears.

Someone I love gets cancer or has a parent with cancer? Well, rest assured that I am a mess trying to imagine life from your viewpoint and how I can possibly make it better for you.

The thing is, more than anything, I want the world to be a perfect place. I want conflict to disappear. I want the people I love to be happy. I want cancer and other hellish diseases to be wiped off the face of the earth along with all of the pain that they cause.

I want to make everything better, for everyone, always.

But, I can’t.

I can’t control disease. I can’t control the actions of the people around me. I can’t escape the consequences of my own sinful actions. I can’t control the emotions of people in a room. I can’t.

In the words of Hannah Brencher, “I can’t be all the things.”

This is the vast majority of my problems lie. In my most rational thoughts, I know that it’s an impossibility. I know that. But you try convincing my emotions of that.

But. I can make a difference. I can make a dent. The little things matter.

So often, I find myself caught up in the overwhelming desire to fix everything that I forget that I can fight to mend some things. I forget that every word I say, every little gift, every second of my time… all of those things, small as they may seem, are actually the big things. Every minute that I am given is a gift. I can choose to gift my corner of the world with it or I can squander it away thinking about the things that I can’t control.

It’s all about being intentional.

And that, friends, is my goal for the new year: to live intentionally.

My theme for 2015? Intentional living.

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